The second emotion of pregnancy that'd I'd pay good money to bottle up is the relief that happens once the spontaneous vomiting and intense exhaustion finally disappears in the second trimester.
In between those magical milestones are long days and nights, weeks and months that I'd like to call "Kyra when you read this post in the future you don't want a fourth baby; I promise you. I promise you. I promise you."
This pregnancy is my first pregnancy trying to work through the first trimester. I'm a lucky woman to be able to work from home. I literally have no idea how people survive in an office setting. I had weeks of laying in bed, completely exhausted, computer next to me, typing up emails and moving the mouse with one hand, while the girl's did their own thing. The messes increased and the girls lunches became incredibly simple.
Landon would come home each night and save us, while I laid on the couch feeling as though the baby had put me on bed rest. We were in survival mode and that husband of mine kept us sane.
My first aversion this pregnancy was electronics near my body: specifically my Garmin watch and my laptop on my stomach. Both made me want to die.
My second aversion was anything other than Ritz crackers.
The gym absolutely did not happen a single time from mid-June to the end of August. I could barely do the dishes.
The first trimester with this baby was still exciting for me on some level, despite it all, until at some point it wasn't.
And suddenly it was all annoying, every current and future reality of pregnancy, down to realizing that birth didn't sound like a beautiful spiritual experience that I couldn't wait to experience again. It sounded terrible. The first trimester with this babe gave me an immense understanding and empathy for other mother's journeys through pregnancy that I would've never had before. This isn't a political side thought. But an acknowledgment that even with a baby that I knew was right, I was annoyed by the sacrifices it was requiring of me, I questioned the timing, and was so overwhelmed by it all.
Someone create a business that sends first trimester moms handwritten notes of encouragement in the mail on random days from women who have just gone through it. Ginger ale and handwritten notes. And lovely bottles of fancy dry shampoo.
Speaking of needing encouragement, the last thing I'll want to remember about the first trimester is the fear that grew and grew about this baby not making it. About not being able to meet him or her in early March. It wasn't until that first ultrasound at 15 weeks (just days ago) that I really relaxed a bit and felt that I could be confident that this was a child that would become a physical part of our family.