A game of lost and found happened quickly (without me realizing it) with my motivation for earning my degree. I enrolled for the two online classes this winter, oh so very pregnant and learning about Paityn in her new phase of life as a toddler. I passed one and didn't the other. It wasn't because they were very difficult! Whether it was the lack of a teacher in life to please, like I've claimed; or the awkward possibility that I expected it to be easy, and when it wasn't, I fell back on the excuse that being a mother is important and that being a mother is enough.
Yes, yes it is! But arguing the merits of motherhood has nothing to do with me falling behind on reading for an English class.
At the end of the day that was an excuse. I quietly swept the idea of going back to school under the rug, and moved on. I figured it would "make more sense down the road". Even more awkwardly, what that really meant was, I was figuring it would be easier down the road.
This role of being a mom isn't going anywhere. It's never going to get easier. Gaining an education wasn't meant to be easy.
But it is a very personal journey.
So again, I'm following the pounding in my heart again that begs to be listened to. To give this another go. To make going back to school make sense, despite our frequently-moving-ways.