For my final Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries post we went back to the spot where we shot my entry post at the end of February earlier this year. Paityn passed out on the short drive to downtown Provo and was having the hardest time waking up once we got there. The poor girl just wanted to sleep. So I took the chance to capture Hudson's baby blues and her growing self at just a few days shy of 6 months.
So much has changed since I put together that entry post in February.
Pregnancy dragged on and felt like it'd never end, false labor became an emotional drain that I didn't think I could handle, and then one Spring morning our little girl made her entrance into the world. We've gotten to know that chubby little one so much since then, as we spent late Spring and summer getting to know what life is like with both girls.
While we thought Paityn was an easy baby, Huddie is next level. Her soul is sweet on a realm I just can't process yet. She's gentle and patient. And while I know that doesn't make sense given how small she is, I'm realizing there's more to learn from children that I ever realized before being a mom.
As I've made the transition to being a mom to two, I've found that my soul has been making a transformation as well. I spent last Monday at the park with a few friends and one of the conversations had me admitting some of the changes that I've wanted to make lately. It just felt good to vocalize them to someone other than my husband, to release them into the universe.
They're small changes, but they're enough against the grain that I find some part of me clinging on, resisting to follow my heart.
Lately I've questioned if having wifi in the house made me distracted and distant mama (it does), if it was time to cut caffeine for the millionth time to finally value my mental health (it was), and how having a blog and the biblical idea of modesty can coexist. I've pondered ways that I could get to know Landon again, and in new ways -- starting with eye contact, turning off the tv, and being a better listener.
I want to make sure that my life is as meaningful as I desire, that my days reflect who I am, and that I'm constantly checking in to see if I'm doing something for applause or because it's what feels right.
I try to remember to question everything if I find that I've become complacent, or that life is beginning to lose the vibrancy and meaning that I've come to love.
Rotating questions that I've had on repeat for the past 6+ years include: is this where I should be living right now, and if not, where do I need to be? What do I need to do to help let true happiness into my life? And, what positive habits have I forgotten to make time for lately?
The answers are usually short & simple -- "yes, stay" "no, move to __" "make time for yoga" "forgive so and so" "it's time to think about baby #2" "be less self centered" and, "remember to start you day with prayer one of these years." (:
Our life is nowhere near perfect. But you already knew that, right? Life has been incredibly difficult the past two weeks if we're being honest. But with it comes the opportunity to transform as a couple as well.
And if there's one thing I know to be true about life, is that we get as many chances to make course corrections as we need. Remember to take them.
A HUGE thank you to the beautiful ladies at Sakura Bloom for putting together the Sling Diaries and letting my be a part of this volume the past 6 months. past entries here: ambition, laughter, community, celebration & health.
Photos by Landon (Landon Faulkner Photography).